10 Questions You’re Too Scared To Ask – Michael Cargill
Welcome to the first ever author interview on Lizzy’s Dark Fiction. I wanted to give a little incentive for answering creatively, and so I had several authors answer these questions. I absolutely loved Michael Cargill’s answers, but he doesn’t want me to foot the bill for his books. So, instead I’ll tack on two $5 gift cards to the winners of this giveaway. Giveaway is opened internationally! Winners have 48 hours to respond by email or another will be chosen.
If you’re an author and interested in answering questions most reviewers are too scared to ask, then email me at lizzylessard (at) gmail (dot) com. If I think your answers are the best of the batch, then I’ll pay for a giveaway of your book. Even if you don’t win, if you’re willing to host a giveaway, I will post your answers. But you have to be CREATIVE. The questions are constantly changing.
10 Things You’re Too Scared To Ask Michael Cargill
1) Name a topic that you refuse to write about.
Ultimately, everything I’ve written about has originated from some kind of ‘spark’, meaning I get ideas about all kinds of things, and some of them are more savoury than others. I reckon that the only thing I’d outright refuse to write about would be a YA erotic zombie Armageddon trilogy based around the misadventures of a hamster, a bowl of cheese curds, and my parents. Mind you, getting them all to pose for the cover picture would make for an interesting experience.
2) What is the hardest scene you have ever written.
Once, when I was nine years old, I wrote “Miss Arbuckle doesn’t have a fanny” on a toilet cubicle door at school. I was paranoid about her bursting in and catching me red handed (because, you know, female teachers often make impromptu trips to the boys toilets), and my hands were trembling like mad.
Other than that, I reckon the hardest scene to write so far was when I had to kill off a character that I liked. Once the idea takes hold, I can’t shake it off and I tend to make the character stronger and more likeable as a result of what is in store for them. It’s almost as if I’m asking to be able spend just one more day with that character, and I want to make it as enjoyable as possible.
3) You threaten someone obnoxious in real life: “I’m going to write you into my book and kill you off.” Describe how you would kill off this person.
It would be a YA erotic zombie Armageddon trilogy. Right at the start, a witch and a wizard combine their powers and turn the obnoxious person into a hamster as punishment for their crimes. The only way he can become human again is if he learns how to milk a cow and finds something interesting to do with the resulting dairy product. Stretching it out into three books might be a struggle, but I reckon doing the front cover would be great fun.
4) What book are you ashamed to have read?
Years ago I had a brief spell of reading Japanese Manga comics, and I somehow got into a comic series called Ranma ½. The main character is a boy called Ranma and, due to an odd curse that doesn’t really make much sense, if he gets wet with cold water he turns into a girl. Hot water turns him back into his usual self again. To be honest, that isn’t necessarily the strangest thing about the Ranma world as just about every character is as eccentric as it’s possible to get. I’m not even making this up, it’s on Wikipedia for those that don’t believe me! And before you ask, no it wasn’t me who wrote the Wikipedia article.
5) Reveal your “secret” author crush.
JK Rowling is a bit of a honey, it has to be said. And yes, I’m aware that saying ‘honey’ makes me sound like a soppy buffoon who might be found standing outside her window, desperately trying to serenade her by singing the lyrics to Muppet Babies in the middle of winter.
6) Imagine your main character dies on page one. Everything else stays the same. Who will be the new star of your book? What is it about now?
Eh? What? This is an outrage! My artistic integrity is integral to how the main character develops in the book. Actually, this is quite an interesting idea. The star of the book would be Robert, one of the police office characters. Although he cracks lots of jokes he is a committed copper at heart, if maybe a little too idealistic. It would be about his female partner breaking him in, giving him a kick up the arse and also making sure the uncultured swine knows the difference between an espresso and a latte.
7) If you could revive one person in history and make them your zombie slave, who would it be?
Julius Caesar. The French military is getting a bit bossy in Africa these days and if anyone knows how to put the Gauls back in their box, it’s him. If it turns out that his military genius doesn’t survive the zombie resurrection process, I’ll just pop a centurion helmet on his head and pretend he’s a punk rocker.
8) Your muse becomes a real person. What do they look like? Describe their personality.
My muse is a small bear with dark blue fur. He doesn’t really have a personality as such and spends most of his time roaming around the woods, looking for honey. He carries a roll of plastic bin liners to store all this honey in, and he is smart enough to wear gloves so his claws don’t rip them to shreds. When he comes home of an evening, he likes to put his feet up and read stories about Spongebob Squarepants on his Kindle. Unfortunately he doesn’t like wearing gloves in the house, so his ereader tends to get smashed to bits after a while. Good job he has the Amazon customer service phone number on speed-dial, eh?
9) Name one culturally “taboo” thing you wish would be accepted.
Wearing women’s underwear. The ladies have bras that cater to each part of their body that hangs down, so why can’t the men? We’re lumbered with all-encompassing boxer short things where everything just gets thrown together in one untidy heap. It’s why our dingly-danglies always look like they need to be ironed.
10) What fictional villain do you wish won? How would you have ended their story instead?
The lion/shark/eagle in any nature documentary ever made. Why is the little rabbit with the hyperactive twitchy nose always made out to be the good guy? They have no qualms about randomly digging holes whenever they fancy it, or eating someone else’s grass without asking first. They poo all over the place if you let them, and if I’m honest they’re nothing more than the trailer park trash of the animal kingdom. Let’s not forget that predators have families to raise too, you know.
Underneath by Michael Cargill
Genre: Thriller? (So hard to categorize this one)
Released June 15th, 2012
Look at the person sitting just across from you. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a loved one, a friend, or a complete stranger.
Now look at their face. Are they happy? Are they sad? Or are they angry? Can you even tell?
How well do you actually know the people closest to you?
Have you ever seen the real person that lies just underneath what you see…?
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I’m an author who lives in the sunny, green hills of England. I’ve written a mixture of WWII historical fiction, suspense thrillers, and satire humour.
Over the years people had often said that I should write a book so, in mid 2011, I did just that! Anyone wondering which book of mine to read first should start with Shelter from Thunder. ’tis short and available for free.
My books are available to buy on Amazon, or download on Fenopy, H33t, ISOHunt and The Pirate Bay.
I’d love to hear suggestions for questions. Please comment with them! If I use your question, you might just get something special in your email. :)